Agony

How do I fight the agony?

It’s like a cycle, that repeats and repeats.

I feel despair and sadness, that I do not know how to heal from.

I am literally living in a tormenting hell.

Re-runs of my mistakes with past relationships…

No one taught me how to love!

And still, I have no one to blame but myself and that is the worst feeling.

It’s all my fault.

Although, I think of suicide, there is no way I will follow through with them…

What is worst, living with agony, or dying from it for at least a few minutes – before I am totally dead?

A shotgun to the head or the chest, it takes 3 minutes…

How do I make it out?

Perhaps, I am not ready for the real world.

Death doesn’t seem so bad.

Maybe I am ungrateful.

I don’t know anything anymore.

I am at a loss of words, loss of hope and loss of motivation.

I am not strong enough.

I am literally suffering from loneliness and I hate myself because I made this bed.

Some days are better than others, but this day is the worst.

I just want to sleep and never wake up.

I just want to leave this curse of a life.

There is nothing good in it for me.

Nothing works out for me.

Nothing does, and I am tired.

How do I end this agony.

5 thoughts on “Agony

  1. Elijah,
    Ther IS hope! That is why I connected you to Bill. Reach out to him. He has tools/knowledge that can help you.

    You were premature in severing that bond.

    Love you, and praying for you! Kim

    Liked by 1 person

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