Suicidal Thoughts.

It used to be an ear that I needed, someone to hear my feelings.

But none was to be found –

So in my thoughts and mind, suicidal thoughts I drowned.

It used to be a lover that I wished for, time after time, but I have found that, and lost that, one or more times.

The rest only said it, because quite frankly, I don’t know why.

Please, do not ever say you love someone, knowing that it is a lie.

I used to be strong alone, happily and optimistically pursuing my heart’s desire for a brighter future.

But it got extremely lonesome.

I prayed to Jesus, and knew that he could provide me reason.

But still –

How can I believe in something that I cannot even feel!

I begged and hoped, thought and prayed for a love, and partner.

That’s all I really want.

I don’t need or want anything else.

I just want to be felt.

I want to be attracted to that person of course.

I feel like my emotions are becoming hoarse.

I hear a voice that says to hold on.

But what for?

No one sees what I mean,

what I envision and hope for.

I don’t even know how to express anymore.

I was there, I was stronger.

But Now I don’t even know how to express anymore.

I don’t know what to do.

I don’t want to do this anymore.