Open Diary. 5

At times I forget that I am in college.

I forget that it’s okay for me to be experiencing all of these difficulties, modes of living and feelings. I forget that I am still just a kid.

Only 21.

“You’re just a pup!” a retired president of ESU would tell me every time I see him in the gym.

Despite other reasons why people go to college, I know why I came here – to learn, grow, and form my own ideas and values.

To grow in spirit, and enhance my intellect.

I knew before hand, before my wide eyed and naive state of freshmen inquiring of a mind-state, that I would be embarking on an intense journey, and maze.

I knew before the many, many books that I would soon read.

Before the wide array of professors and eventual problems, that I was going to go through battles of all kinds, experiences and trials of all kinds.

So it should not be a surprise…

Before the profound insights, and proud moments of epiphanies.

Before the intense breakups and heartbreaks, true love and relationships, drunken moments and times of depression… bliss and loneliness – before the beautiful moments of giving my all and giving less, I knew that I was finally stepping foot into the big world independently,

With just my heart, and knowledge that I’ve acquired prior.

I knew I was going to go through things that would mature me, and wisen me up.

But I never thought in a million years, that it would grow me in this way.

I never thought in a million years, that I would ever go through such feelings, and grow so close to myself.

I just thought, well, I don’t know what I thought.

Its just none of this was expected, I just didn’t see all of those things coming!

And they will keep coming, because now I am an adult that will only grow taller and wiser.

I am just glad I have what I have: the things inside, and I am glad I have my foundation,

Love, and knowledge.

I know that riches will come, that’s the easy part.

The hard part, was growing my mind, and figuring those things out mentally.

The trauma, conflicts, confusion and ignorance.

And I am still learning, just learning in a different way. I have bruises, and scrapes, but I am a much better man because of all of those things.

I will get better with my expressions and word choice, because everyday I am getting back to my mindset, and my higher being.

“He who needs riches the least, enjoys riches the most.” – Seneca