Open Diary. 5
At times I forget that I am in college.
I forget that it’s okay for me to be experiencing all of these difficulties, modes of living and feelings. I forget that I am still just a kid.
“You’re just a pup!” a retired president of ESU would tell me every time I see him in the gym.
Despite other reasons why people go to college, I know why I came here – to learn, grow, and form my own ideas and values.
To grow in spirit, and enhance my intellect.
I knew before hand, before my wide eyed and naive state of freshmen inquiring of a mind-state, that I would be embarking on an intense journey, and maze.
I knew before the many, many books that I would soon read.
Before the wide array of professors and eventual problems, that I was going to go through battles of all kinds, experiences and trials of all kinds.
So it should not be a surprise…
Before the profound insights, and proud moments of epiphanies.
Before the intense breakups and heartbreaks, true love and relationships, drunken moments and times of depression… bliss and loneliness – before the beautiful moments of giving my all and giving less, I knew that I was finally stepping foot into the big world independently,
With just my heart, and knowledge that I’ve acquired prior.
I knew I was going to go through things that would mature me, and wisen me up.
But I never thought in a million years, that it would grow me in this way.
I never thought in a million years, that I would ever go through such feelings, and grow so close to myself.
I just thought, well, I don’t know what I thought.
Its just none of this was expected, I just didn’t see all of those things coming!
And they will keep coming, because now I am an adult that will only grow taller and wiser.
I am just glad I have what I have: the things inside, and I am glad I have my foundation,
Love, and knowledge.
I know that riches will come, that’s the easy part.
The hard part, was growing my mind, and figuring those things out mentally.
The trauma, conflicts, confusion and ignorance.
And I am still learning, just learning in a different way. I have bruises, and scrapes, but I am a much better man because of all of those things.
I will get better with my expressions and word choice, because everyday I am getting back to my mindset, and my higher being.
“He who needs riches the least, enjoys riches the most.” – Seneca