Open Diary. 15

I am prepping my mindset.

I come back from church.

I am playing my music and dancing in my room.

Singing, as if a child with his armor and sword of lighting, telling myself with indestructible talent and confidence – I am king Elijah!

Perhaps, narcissistic to some, overly confident to others, or even ‘cocky’ to the mass…

The invisible mass…

It is just I have a magic that I enjoy feeling!

You have to feel it to understand…

I repented today.

I gave up my beliefs, and chose Jesus today…

Despite my high love for philosophy, and forming of ideas, I turned my back momentarily on my intellectual understanding to believe in Jesus’s promises.

It felt almost, too natural.

It felt perfect, it felt, honestly – like perfection.

It felt like heaven…

I was staying with a friend a few weeks ago, and I realized that I lost my Jesus’s calling book.

Well the answer came to me – that he took it. Like an epiphany.

Jealousy is the worst of all sins…

But then again – I do not judge. I am growing to become a better Christian…

I am trying not to judge.

It is a flaw that I want to stop.

I had my fair share of stealings.

I am not perfect.

But that is beside the point.

I just know why I felt so distant from my Holy Father these past weeks.

That book is one of the few material possessions that I highly, highly value.

I got it from a spiritual mentor, whom I love dearly. Thank you, I got a lot from those spiritual teachings…

I feel saddened that I do not have that book anymore – however, I am not attached to anything in this world. I hold it, but never let anything truly rule my mind.

I have Jesus in my heart!

Plus, I am in tune, and at peace with the universe. Everything happens for a reason, I am at harmony with everything.

I am so anxious for this opportunity.

To some it may seem like – ‘it’s just a D2 College, what is this guy’s obsession, Etc. Chatter’

Voices from inside, and most likely, in reality – maybe just a few people saying that.

But weed and noise, nevertheless…

But you see – growing up, I was so torn down, and belittled.

Since a boy, I felt like I was worthless.

I felt as if I was not capable of much, my stepfather broke my very soul. Multiple times over. But I proved him wrong.

Multiple times over, and will continue to do so…

and anyone who says what I want to do is impossible or unreal.

So yes, to me this is a HUGE step, and major accomplishment to be here as a Bloomsburg Husky.

I am like a successful, and happy ending of a Franz Kafka story.

I am a voice for the ones without hope or belief in themselves – because although, I was that kid with a nearly crumbled and shattered soul – I smiled, and Kept my delight in knowing that deep inside, I did in fact have a special something, that no one could take away from me.

I knew it but paradoxically did not know it.

I am a late bloomer, I guess…

But it’s never too late.

I am currently sitting down, an hour early.

I am so very anxious.

I want it so much, and I feel as if it is already mine.

I feel butterflies, as if this is my true love.

My true destiny, and everything truly belonging to me – will eventually come along for the ride.

I know this is it.

This the thing Robert Greene was talking about in mastery…

I tend to intellectualize everything, because while my stepfather was busy tearing my world down, I kept trying to build it up – escaping the hell and planting seeds for my beautiful future.

Along with walking with Christ.

I can never lose sight of that.

Perhaps, Jesus held my hand during those times. I could not have possibly gotten through those hells alone.

I do not understand everything yet, but I do have a grasp of the power that was inside of me all along; Thank you Jesus.

There is much to more story that I wish to share, and yet, there is much that lies ahead of me!

As a warrior and proud Husky, I have immense love and pride, and am excited for this journey. It is mine and claimed.

Thank You God.

Let’s dance!🙏🏾💡