This boulder is off of my shoulders.
Now there is an emptiness, that requires immense empathy, and energy.
Self-Care and self love is my cure… Mechanism, to keep persevering in life.
My faith in Jesus and a loving God is my anchor, but if I did not have those, I would, realistically, jump off of a bridge and end it.
I have spent my entire life, resisting the desire to end it.
For too many reasons…
I have darkness that I have to acknowledge and accept.
I would be lying and doing myself an injustice by not seeing the ugliness and shadowy figure that looms over my head, inside and behind me.
So if you are ever going to love me, know that I have damage untold.
Cracks of gold, because nevertheless, I repaired myself and have things to latch onto to never lose hope.
But this is no joke, suicidal thoughts roam and creep up, although my life is beautiful and such…
I just know that sometimes I need someone else to provide me strength and love, nothing artificial – pure chemistry is something I ask for.
Attraction and chemistry.
It’s simply that.
So I can express and love you.
We could do so much, learn and grow in so many ways.
This is just a vent I guess.
I have no woman to love, and it’s because of too many reasons to count.