Color

Nothing comes easily, but it could be so easy.

I am just afraid that one day you will leave me.

It is not an insecurity, it is solely a fear –

That one day you will not care, and one day you will rationalize.

This is a team, a union, a way of combining forces.

I have to hold my horses, I can not love too often, too easily.

Especially if it is not paired or matched evenly.

So when I close my heart, it is with the future in mind.

Future: protecting myself, and setting us up.

If you are true in your love, and will not abandon me.

Then nature will take care of us, nature will take care of me.

I abide by principles, and you, a set of rules.

I follow my heart, my emotions, to manifest my kingdom.

And to protect myself from treason, lies, or being given up on.

I write this poetry, to tame my imagination.

It is my heart’s sensation, to feel sensitive to every small detail.

In person we are strong, I am sure of it.

But this writing, when we are away is the cure of this –

Loneliness, suffering imagination, irrationality, and fear.

I want to stare into your eyes, feel every vibration and color.

I do not want to smother, no.

I do not want to overwhelm, no.

I simply want to love you, with the heart that I have.

And if it is ever rejected, I will close off and become cold.

Never callous, no.

Never with malice, no.

Because I simply want to love, that is all. To feel secure with you.

I have been holding these roses, and they are losing its potence.

I do not fear being along anymore, no.

I fear disloyalty, and abandonment.

I fear losing my sanity, over love, and abandoned companionship.

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