Truth

The truth is I fancy the idea of killing myself when I am feeling this way.

I rather be in heaven than to be living in this day.

I rather be, I rather be, I rather be.

The truth is I will never revert back to darkness, and I am very blessed to be alive, I truly am.

It’s just I am doing all that I can, I truly am.

But there is pain still felt, I rather just be in God’s arms.

And I rather just be calm, and to feel human, instead of what society wants me to be.

And I am tired of feeling like I am fighting, for the faith that I need and something I cannot see.

I am tired of thinking to get it right, when I know that I have it right.

I want to enter the doors, and feel at peace.

But am I just being dramatic or what.

I wish I had the strength to cut, fly, or die where I lay.

I wish sometimes I did not stray.

I wish I was strong and not able to give into temptation, or anything of weakness.

It’s just in this time and state, I feel bleakness,

Shame and weakness.

I need your love.

Everyday.