Letters to Claudia 4/30

I am weaker than I’ve ever been.

It is a feeling of disillusionment.

I am weak without you.

You took a small piece of me, a magical essence and I am having trouble finding it again.

When I think of you I have a feeling in the pit of my stomach, an ache in my heart, and an anxious spirit.

I don’t want to, and I refuse to sink into any kind of depression.

I fortified myself with people in my life, or should I say – the universe provided me with people.

Kathy, a barista at the coffee shop is somewhat of a mother figure.

When I think of her though, she reminds me of how bad my mother was to me, and I die.

I literally die, a few times, inside, but then I feel stronger just thinking of my strength.

I don’t want to hate her.

But recently she asked me something that gave me immense anger.

I feel as if she does not even care that I am receiving an education.

I fortified myself with several mentors, professional and philosophical.

Father, a catholic priest at the Christian house.

Theresa, an educational support.

Dr. Beyer, Dr. Hazzard – both mentors for my degree in Exercise Science and Athletic Training.

And I have few friends that I wish to cherish more, Seirra, Nina, Kevin, and my relationship with Christ.

This letter is my act of counting blessings and staying strong somehow and someway.