Letters to Claudia 5/30

I think that I was officially dead, and I am climbing up again.

I am truly dead, and exhausted.

I miss you often.

I miss you as I soften my heart and write poetry that has origins in what is dark.

I miss and need a spark.

But because I value philosophy, and take heed to Aurelius and Nietzche…

I am trying my best to not self sabotage and fall into despair or depression.

My emotions feel densest.

And my heart feels like it is ending.

I am hurting and feelings feel stone.

I don’t feel cold.

I feel utter blank and soul-less.

Soul less because I feel weak.

I can barely write with clean precision.

I am trying to lay it out here.

To even recover.

But something is lacking, the love that you provided.

I need it.

I am fiendish.

I am shameful.

I feel the negative things, people try to hide and cover.

I feel it, and it is dark.

It is difficult and muddy.

It is blank.

And You color me, with so much that so much I am trying to keep my word and give us 30 days.

These are letters to you.

I love you.

I miss you.

I need you.

I want you.

All of the above.