The inner burdens feel like heavy castles.
The layers of reality change and transcend so often that I feel like I need to change my inner workings just as often.
And I feel stoned like a statue, trying to move past this depressive state.
It is a hectic state.
I cannot escape.
Wanting to go some place, that doesn’t exist, while coping with this life and my current fate.
& The truth is I am forever chained.
I am destined to battle an illness so deep and harsh, that it is like me being a black bird trapped in a melted white…
I have to dodge meltdowns, and judging from civilization, and I have to conform instead of being colorful and lively.
I don’t want to be crazy or uncivilized, and I respect the organization of society.
But my heart tells me at times, this is not the real you.
You are much more wild at heart.
And that’s when I make my pencil as sharp,
And that’s when the top line I start – to write.
And I begin to setting my passion right.
Perhaps, the heart is connected to a much more beautiful, and powerful side of existence.
With persistence, I dream of a more freeing day.
While coping with this side of aliveness, and realizing it is only half play.