“Conflicted States…”

I desire and I will grow closer, to my holy ancient roots.

I aspire to master thyself, and to walk closer to the truth.

My soul knows mighty power, that I want to know – intimately, and sacred.

While, darkness, I have escaped it.
Harsh memories, I replay them… I steady contemplated, on breaking —
Chains, that I found myself in.

Still, love was simply latent.
Spirituality, was sitting adjacent.

I know scars and defeat, as I fight to stand up.

I told myself to man up, when broken down to the floor.

On that floor is a war, as blood leaks from my wrists…
Will I fall, or will I draw?
Or, will I overcome, all of this.

I don’t know exactly what is next.
I just know that I’ve been a mess:

Searching, waiting, prying for love and it’s bliss.

Never loving myself in complete, broken heart, I’ve been asleep.

Now that I’m awake, and I see more damage.

I am a love lost, from a love loss.
I carry a cross, to know he loves all.

And, that is how I manage.
I look in the mirror at times,
And I feel the palest.

My heart beats sometimes,
But at times feel the stalest.

From out the window, I let out my scream.
I will run this world, and I will sweetly dream.

Wishing for love, and our beautiful team…
Inhaling the smoke, mirrors shattered on scene.

I broke open a layer, for love I’m ever so keen.

Do most love themselves?
Do I love myself.

I question and reply.
We are all destined to die.

Lying awake, by myself… Lying asleep, with no one else.

I stand up, to an eternal truth.
Love, is a war, that I will peacefully and patiently truce.

Pg. 75